Introductory letter to Professor Brad (Revised 4-Dec-2020)
Dear Professor Brad,
I am Sebastian, and I am writing
to you to introduce myself, and I hope that this letter would allow you to know
me better. I am a year 1 student in your effective communication class.
I graduated with a diploma in
Green Building and Sustainability from Temasek Polytechnic. My interest in
engineering started when I was studying in secondary school. Since then, I have
been interested in sustainability in the aspects of buildings, as passive
building systems fascinate me.
In terms of communication, my
strength is workplace communication. Prior to serving my national service, I was
working in an engineering firm which specializes in building energy auditing.
From my conversations with the general manager and to the technicians, I
realized I was able to communicate well with many different types of staff
regardless of their designation and develop good working relationships with the
senior management and the non-executives.
However, I am weak in my writing.
I deem myself to be weak in my grammar and vocabulary, and at times I do not
know how to fully express myself. I often spend a considerable amount of time
writing a report or a letter, because most of the time is spent on re-writing
and restructuring sentences which I perceive to be grammatically incorrect.
Improving my writing skills and
my public speaking skills are the goals I have for myself this semester. I hope
to write reports and letters that are accurate, objective, complete, and
capture the readers’ attention. I also hope to master my public speaking
skills, so that I can effectively present my ideas to my superiors and
colleagues in the future.
What differentiates me from
others is my attitude towards learning. Although I am not a bright student, I
conceive myself to be hardworking and motivated. I believe that learning never
stops, and that good results come to those who put their heart and soul into
achieving it. I look forward to refining my writing and speaking skills under
your guidance.
Best regards,
Sebastian
I have read and commented on Bryan's, Jing Kai's and Dexter's blog.
(Revised 4-Dec-2020)
Thanks for putting some heart and soul into this letter, Sebastian. I look forward to seeing detailed feedback from your blogging group members, and I will comment after that.
ReplyDeleteDear Sebastian,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing about yourself in this letter. I am writing in hopes that I can provide you some suggestions.
First of all, I like the flow of your letter. It links the paragraph with another smoothly. Your points are also backed up with explanations which make the whole letter is clear to understand.
However, some parts may be needed some corrections.
1. "passive building systems fascinates me" --> it should be "fascinate" since systems are written in the plural.
2. "different types of staffs" --> staff should not have "s" in noun even it is plural, correct me if I am wrong.
3. "What differentiates me from others is that my attitude for learning." --> I feel that it is better to write it as "What differentiates me from others is my attitude towards learning."
I hope my suggestions are helpful to you. Thank you.
Best regards,
Kei Man
Dear Kei Man,
DeleteThank you for your valuable feedback. I will amend my blog post according to your feedback.
Also, you are right, the plural of "staff" is "staff".
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Sebastian
DeleteThank you for your self-introductory letter. I have read your letter and wish to give my feedbacks.
The letter you have written is clear in a sense that it notifies the reader the point you are going to bring up before moving on the elaborate. It is concise as it does not stray away from the points you were bringing up. You were able to back up your points with examples. I felt that you should elaborate more on what piqued your interest in engineering when you were in secondary school.
Correct me if I am wrong but there are certain errors I would like to point out. The semi colon should not be use in conjunction with "because".
The letter has a flow to it, it did not stray away from the points you were elaborating on. The letter covered all relevant points, and it was written I a respectful tone.
I wish to let you know that my comments on your writing was only for the sake of improvement and I hope that you forgive me for any rude or unintended message I was portraying.
I look forward to improve my language and communication skills alongside you in the module and wish you all the best in your studies.
Best regards
Jing Kai
Dear Jing Kai,
DeleteThank you for your feedback. I will try and improve on my language use. In your comment " The semi colon should not be use in conjunction with "because". ", do you mean comma?
Regards,
Sebastian
Dear Sebastian,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this fairly clear and complete letter. You address the key requirements of the assignment and add some concrete detail. I also appreciate the good fluency of ideas.
I have noted that you've been giving lots of feedback to your peers, which shows your 'heart and soul' in this assignment. Thanks for doing that! You've also received useful feedback from a couple of them.
In terms of language use, like I mentioned, this letter is quite fluent. There is, however, some content ambiguity in this sentence:
--From my conversations with the general manager and to the technicians, I realized I was able to communicate well with many different types of staffs regardless of their designation and develop good working relationships with the senior management and the non-executives.
Who are you referring to? You haven't set the stage for the discussion by mentioning where you worked.
I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.
Brad